| American expat Clair is in the midst of a great adventure: living with her family in France. Being an expat there isn't a bed of roses, but there are so many upsides to the experience. Read on for Clair's observations about the cost of living in France and her tips on adjusting to French culture. |
 Clair Whitmer |
-Where were you born?
-In which country and city are you living now?
Mauves sur Loire, France
The Loire from our town
-Are you living alone or with your family?
With my French husband, two Franco-American kids and two rabbits
-How long have you been living there?
5 years in January, 2009-What is your age?
41
-When did you come up with the idea of living in France?
-Was it hard to get a visa or a working permit?
-Was it difficult for you to get medical insurance before you went there or when you first arrived?
-How do you make your living in France? Do you have any type of income generated?
Well…this is the tricky part. I'm a journalist and I've freelanced regularly since I got here; I've also had a couple of short-term contracts doing a bit of this, a bit of that. But I can't say as I've really "made a living here" yet. This is mostly because we chose, for our children, to not live in Paris. As an American journalist, all professional roads lead to Paris. Now my kids are older, however, and I'm actively job-hunting, including in Paris.
The Deux Chevaux I rented on Belle Ile, right off the coast of Brittany
-Do you speak French and do you think it's important to speak the local language?
Yes, I speak French well. But I have an accent and, unlike some of my friends, I don't think I'll ever reach the day when I "pass" for a French person. In my experience writing for the expat press and interviewing other expats, it is possible to get by in Paris without much French. But it's not possible to really settle here happily unless you do. But as long as you're trying really hard, the French will make more linguistic allowances for you than their reputation would imply.
-Do you miss home and family sometimes?
I miss Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (the French hate peanut butter) and real Mexican food including a real margarita. There are other guilty pleasures I use to miss that have faded with time, like US Magazine and the Oscars. But I miss how Americans chat with people they don't know in public. I miss "shooting the breeze" in a way I may never be able to do in French. I miss the excitement of having just elected Barack Obama to be our President. But mostly now, I just miss my family. The hardest part of all this is having my mother get old and my children's cousins grow without really knowing who we are. These are the only things that sometimes make me doubt our choice to come here.-Do you have other plans for the future?
Yep: get a job! I really want to stay in France, but not if it means radically downsizing my professional expectations. Provided I can fix this problem, I still don't know if I'll be here forever but I don't feel like I've finished with my adventure yet.
Nantes Château de Ducs de Bretagne
-What about housing, have you bought, or are you renting a home? How much do you pay for it?
We bought a house; we paid just under EUR300,000 for a four-bedroom house with a big yard 30 minutes out of Nantes. Unfortunately, we probably bought at the peak of the market; I fear we're going to lose some money if I find a job elsewhere and we are forced to sell next year.
-What is the cost of living in France?
Higher than we thought! Schooling, housing and insurance are still all much cheaper than in San Francisco, but transportation, food, clothing, gas, heating, and other household expenses are about the same. And salaries are fully half of what we could command in California. Plus the cost of airline tickets has gone up by fully a third since we moved here and the exchange rate has gone from bad to worse. If the dollar were to stabilize against the euro, it would help us a lot.-What do you think about the French?
It is said that the "failure rate" for expats assignments to France is among the highest in the world and it is true that the French take an effort to get to know. They are never going to be what Americans consider as "friendly" and moving here requires that you try to understand them on their terms. On the other hand, I've received a lot of support for my efforts to do that and I can count on one hand the number of encounters that have been truly hostile. So, as long as you don't arrive expecting less culture shock than if you were going to, let's say, China, you can find your place here, even in a small town like where I live.
-What are the positive and negative aspects of living in France?
For us, the most important part of being here is that our children are bilingual and bicultural. And we like having our own sub-culture just for our family. Never having to worry about healthcare coverage is a huge comfort for us. And I also really like being able to travel to other parts of France and Europe.
Dealing with French bureaucracy, including the education system, however, is a constant frustration for me and my husband and he's French! Also, see above, I'm having trouble reconciling our choice of where to live with my desire/need to earn a living, but I hope to solve this problem by being more creative about defining what I do.
Super Duponts at Nantes Carnaval
-Do you have any tips for our readers about living in France?
Americans tend to think they know more about France than other countries, like Kuwait or Thailand. You don't: expect culture shock. But don't get wrapped up into trying to be more French than thou: the French love eccentrics! If you're going to be here longer than a year and you think you'll want to drive here, try to get a driver's license before you come from one of the 14 states that let you trade it for a French license. This sounds like an unnecessary hassle, but passing the French driver's test is crazy hard and expensive. Lots of French people never pass it. Also think hard before sending your kids to public school and not just because of the strikes; French teachers tend to have rigid ideas about how to do things and throwing your kids into the middle of your culture shock can make it harder for all of you. If you have a special-needs kids, research carefully and in advance how to get what they need. And…never, never, never take Non for an answer. The French always say Non first; they don't always mean it.-Do you have any favorite Web sites or blogs about France?
Let's start with mine: Francey Pants, www.franceypants.com
It's a collection of my writing for the culturally confused English-speaker living in France. Plus the Francey Pants Bookstore and a full collection of ALL my favorite sites!
My other favorites:
Bonjour America, http://www.bonjour-america.com
Gender-bender humor that pokes fun at both sides of the Atlantic. Genuinely funny but good-hearted.
Insider Paris Guides, http://www.insiderparisguides.com/index.htm
Where to download the best practical guide on moving to France.
Writing Letters in French, http://www.askoxford.com/languages/fr/french_letters/?view=uk
Helps you with all those pesky formulae for all kind of French letters…so much more formal than in English!
Service-Publique.fr, http://www.service-public.fr
Mostly only in French…but the absolute best view online of the labyrinth of French administration. If your French is up to it, it will really help you get the paperwork out of the way.
moving in June
We are moving to rural France mid-June! Although I have lived in Bordeaux before for a few years, in my teens and have family there, it will be a cultural shock especially living one hour south of the big city, next to a small town of 4,000. My two children 8 and 6 are to be enrolled in the local public schools. I worry especially as one is GT (gifted and talented) , and the other has been doing very well. My worry is that the move will hurt their achievements and comfort of school life that has been a source of pride and enjoyment in the States. However part of me believes that the move will be very influential, a great source of interest and academically provide a great foundation that perhaps was weaker here in America. Both have been on holiday there and speak French relatively well. As for myself I wonder what it will feel like and am not sure at all what my experience will be!!!
Private v. Public schools
Hi,
Now I know this is a very personal and contextual decision....but if I had one thing to do over in my French life, I'd have put my kids in private school. Also, I would have started my five-year-old with the four-year-olds so that he'd have a year to "catch up". Your kids are older so that might not be appropriate....
This sounds like a decision about whether or not your want your kids to have a religious education. It sounds like that because that's what it's about for us at home: the Catholic kids go to Catholic school. Here, most people are at least nominally Catholic. Yes, the kids do get catechism in private schools but that's not what motivates a lot of French parents to put their kids into private, usually Catholic, school.
What I have come to understand is that while the French public education system has many virtues, its very philosophy is based on the principle of égalité. They used to say that every kid in France got the exact same lesson at the exact same moment of every day...and this still sounds like a good idea to them. Egalité sounds good as a slogan, but it means in practice: no exceptions and no adapting the program to kids with special needs right down to every kid needs to use the same style notebook and the same kind of pencil. I'm not exaggerating.
In our family, it turns out that one of my two children has some kind of learning disability and this has been the greatest source of stress in our new life, bar none. Parents of French children with physical disabilities have even greater struggles. The teachers I've encountered have all been well-intended but they very explicitly do not consider helping me help my son as part of their responsibilities either.
The private school system is undoubtedly imperfect too but they have a lot more flexibility to adapt the program to the child, including offering after-school tutoring, a practice a lot of public school teachers reject as against the principle of equality: if the student doesn't learn it in class with all the other kids, then it's unfair if they get special help. Now, I've heard this, to me, specious argument but what this is really all about is the teacher's political power and the fact that they just don't want to work those hours.
Every school meeting I've ever been to here over 5 years has always ended up talking about teacher's retirement packages or other acquis sociaux. It's not that education is not politicized in the states, it's more that the specific politics of the "mammoth", as public education is called, are mostly incomprehensible to us. If you do have a kid with special needs, it makes it a lot harder to defend their interests, which is already hard to do in French.
On the other hand, my studious, perfectionist daughter is doing great in the French system. And lots of Franco-American kids excel in school here.
So, it's a question of weighing the pros and cons for your children. I really don't mean to scare you.
But I'm climbing on this particular soapbox because this is the one area where I really feel like I made mistakes. And I wish I had had someone to advise me on this point when we first got here: go visit both the private and public schools and talk to the directors about their attitude on the "reforms". If you ask questions, unlike me who just assumed my kids would go to public school as I did, then you'll be able to make the right choice for them.
For example: Do they want the government to put back Saturday-morning hours? Have they "occupied" the school to protest the changes as they did for weeks at our school? Do they give you notice before strikes? Do they think it's okay to talk about politics with the students as they did at our school? What do they think about adding school hours on Wednesday? How do they handle after-hours tutoring mandated by the law as of this year? Can they explain to you on what terms your child would get to see the school psychologist if they needed it? How are they going to handle English lessons for your kids?
Okay, this is already way too much information. I just wish I could have a conference call with every incoming parent of school-age children...not because it will be difficult for most families but just because I feel I've learned so much the hard way!
RE: Public versus Private
Thank you so much for the time and effort it took to reply to my post. I understand the socialistic tendencies of the French system. I am glad to hear that if the kids are "good" kids they will be well taught. It is a shame that the egalitarian outlook is so prevalent especially in the lower paid jobs. This brings up again the discussion of why teachers are paid so poorly all over the world! I will probably stay with public for economic reasons but will supplement with tutoring as I do in the States. I suppose if one wants to benefit from a global cultural perspective one must adjust to different and sometimes opposing views. It will make for good debate if nothing else.
RE: Public versus Private
Thank you so much for the time and effort it took to reply to my post. I understand the socialistic tendencies of the French system. I am glad to hear that if the kids are "good" kids they will be well taught. It is a shame that the egalitarian outlook is so prevalent especially in the lower paid jobs. This brings up again the discussion of why teachers are paid so poorly all over the world! I will probably stay with public for economic reasons but will supplement with tutoring as I do in the States. I suppose if one wants to benefit from a global cultural perspective one must adjust to different and sometimes opposing views. It will make for good debate if nothing else.