| Jill, originally from the United States, has been living south of the border in Mexico, Mexico City, for some years now. Immersing herself in the culture by doing things like learning the language and appreciating the historical sites. Here she shares some interesting information on moving to Mexico, what the locals are like, the cost of housing and living, and some of her favorite things to do--including trying to help other women expatriates wherever they may be in the world. |
 Jill Anne Payonzeck Lengré |
February 10 2007
-Where were you born?
Pasadena, California, United States of America
-In which country and city are you living now?
Mexico City, Mexico
-Are you living alone or with your family?
I live with my two children. I am in the process of getting a divorce.
-How long have you been living in Mexico?
Four years
-What is your age?
39 years old.
-When did you come up with the idea of living in Mexico?
I moved here from Paris, France when my French husband was transferred here by his company.
-Was it hard to get a visa or a working permit?
I arrived with no permission to work. I did have a baby in Mexico and so I can ask for a work permit.
-Was it difficult for you to get medical insurance before you went there or when you first arrived?
My husband's company set us up with medical insurance and the French government continues to pay a portion of the amount of these types of expenses.
-How do you make your living in Mexico? Do you have any type of income generated?
I have created a website for expatriate women with an Australian friend. It is a worldwide website, not just targeted at expatriate women in Mexico. So it was easy finding the job, because I created it! We are still in the start-up phase, so it is more money going out than coming in. I live off my savings and alimony money at the moment.
-Do you speak Spanish and do you think it's important to speak the local language?
Yes, I do speak Spanish. I think it is critical to learn the language of where you are living. My web developers are all Spanish speakers (Mexican, Cuban, Venezuelan, etc.). Although they can speak some English, I speak in Spanish to ensure that my message is really understood. You must really make the effort to blend in, you are living in there world, and they do not know the rules of your culture. If you live in a place 24/7 it is up to you to adapt.
-Do you miss home and family sometimes?
I have been living outside the USA for almost 14 years now, so yes, I do miss my family but I am not homesick. I think the first few years it was hard, but you learn to love where you are living. People always ask me to compare, “Where is the best place you have lived?” I cannot do that, I like and dislike aspects of all the places I have lived. If you live your life regretting a place you have moved away from, you have two choices, 1) move back! 2) try and visit often. But you cannot not live your life where you are not.
I spend time most of my free time with my children at our sports club where we have lots of friends. Mexico City has nice weather almost all year round (except summer when it rains a lot) so we are outside riding bikes and swimming, etc.
-Do you have other plans for the future?
I hope that my website will be a huge success and that I will get to travel to other countries on speaking tours helping other expatriate women adapt. But during this start-up phase, I may have to actually find a job. Life sometimes is not easy, but with positive thinking and a go get it attitude, things usually fall into place.
-What about housing, have you bought, or are you renting a home? How much do you pay for it?
I rent an apartment in an area called Polanco. Mexico City is expensive if you want to live in a nice neighborhood. Rent for an apartment can start from 1500 to 6000 dollars and more for a three-bedroom apartment.
-What is the cost of living in Mexico?
It is expensive to live here. People always think that Mexico is a third world country but it is not. Many Mexicans go to the USA to buy clothing and electronics as it is much less expensive there.
-What do you think about the Mexicans?
They are very friendly in the area I live. They always want to practice their English with me which I do not find at all offensive as they just want to make me feel more comfortable.
-What are the positive and negative aspects of living in Mexico?
Air pollution in Mexico City is a problem. There is also always the fear of being robbed but I find it tolerable, just like in any big city. I live in my neighborhood and I know the areas not to go.
-Do you have any tips for our readers about living in Mexico?
As Mexico is a big country you have many options on where you can live. I cannot think of one city in particular that is more open to foreigners. I guess it depends on why you are moving here. Many Americans decide to retire in Mexico near the beach resorts. You of course should get an FM3 visa so you can live in the country legally.
Mexico is full of culture: Aztecs, Mayas, Olmecs, the Spanish, and has many beautiful natural and architectural wonders to visit.
-Do you have any favorite Web sites or blogs about Mexico?
Specifically for Mexico I would recommend visiting my website's Mexico Country Links page: http://www.expatwomen.com/countries/links_mexico.php
When searching for resources and friends no matter where you are living or moving to…the best resource by far is ExpatWomen.com.
Hello Jill, I was also an
Hello Jill, I was also an expat like you but I lived in China for 3 years. My husband is French and I am a US citizen. From China, we moved to France where I was living for 2 years there. I am currently in the US and my husband is in France. I recently found out he wants to divorce me but wants to sell our family house first (the only property own) and right away. I find myself somewhat lost because he wants me to sign papers at the french consulate to give him the right to sell the house, he even has a notaire ready and waiting for my signature. At this point I do not trust that I will receive half the money from the house. Should I try to find my own notaire to represent me, should I try to hire a lawyer over the phone, should I just let the notaire my husband picked do the transaction? I am in the USA and it is not possible for me to return to France right now. What would you do in my situation. I do not know anyone who is in the same situation as me. Do you think I could trust a notaire that has been solely dealing with my husband?
hope you can give me some insight,
Aless.
Hello Aless, If it was me, I
Hello Aless,
If it was me, I would contact the French consulate straight away and ask them for a list of lawyers that are local who understand French law (divorce and property) and make an appointment. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING before you find out your rights! He has to wait, he can do nothing without your signature so the ball is in your court. Even if he pressures you, tell him you MUST check your rights. Do not sell the house before you understand how this sale will affect your divorce. It seems like he has been planning this quite some time, because you only go to a notaire when you have a buyer for your house. He must have promised to sell and now learns he must have your signature or accord to allow him to sell without you present.
I know it is a scary time and you feel upset and angry, but do not give into pressure. Half of this money is yours and when men divorce ALL they care about is the money, how much they have and how little they want to give you (let me tell you ... I know!)
Hello. You are right about
Hello. You are right about not giving into the pressure. thank you for your information and support. I wish I had never totally relied on my husband financially because now I can't even trust him. What a costly lesson.
Determine What YOU want; then take action to make that a reality
If it was me I'd get info on marriage and divorce law in the jurisdiction where you were married, in the jurisdiciton where it is possible to get divorced. But I hope that I would not take any irrevocable action before I was clear on my rights and what I wanted. What I want, in terms of me and my life, nothing to do with the life or behavior of other adults which I cannot determine.
Wow, what an unfortunate situation. In addition to finding out "what your rights are" I would encourage you to determine what you want.
Not simply what you want in life but you want from this marriage and/or the dissolution of this marriage. Legally you may not be obligated to agree to the divorce.
What do you want materially, financially, in addition to the memories, the history. For example, I will give you full title to the house if you send me US$100,000 or whatever. Not only knowing your "rights" but also knowing what you want are important. He may want a divorce, you may not. Obviously your marriage has changed. He is asking for the sale of the house and wants a divorce. You may still be in a state of shock. I know I'd certainly be shocked to no end.
Also you don't have to do anything. I mean you can return to France and deal with the dissolution of the marriage and a division of the assets of the marriage there, on the ground. There is no urgency. Or if indeed there IS URGENCY FOR YOU then you'll need to interrupt whatever you are doing in the US. If that's not possible then the urgency isn't great enough.
Wishing you comfort and peace,
Nia.
In the same situation only in China
Jill- I am in kind of a similar situation and maybe you can help me.
I am an American married to a French man- we lived in Paris for the past 7 years, married for 5 and recently we have been moved to Beijing,China for my husband's job.
Our marriage was suffering even before we moved but now I am 100% sure I want to move back to Paris.
China is not for me- he works all of the time, I want children and we are not even intimate I need to move on.
Apparently it is not as easy as I thought- as i have only been here for 6 weeks and do not have any working papers in order for me to move my stuff back I need to use my husband's name, working papers, passport etc.. He does not want me to leave so I don't know how I will do this. That is the Chinese rules, on the French side in order to have a duty free import I need of had my stuff in China for at least 12 months otherwise I risk to may up to 17% VAT on the total value I send back.
Surely this has happened to several people- living in China is not easy- I can't imagine I am the only women who has done this- do you have any advise?
Thanks in advance for your help
Hope I can help
Tarab,
You are thinking about making some big life changes, so here is some advice. Please remember, I dont know you and I only know your situation from what you told me above...
You just arrived 6 weeks ago and seem very upset and angry. Perhaps it is the culture shock plus the fact that your husband needs to work long hours since he just arrived in his new post.
You need to remember why you agreed to go with your husband in the first place. Do you love him still and just wish he would spend more time with you? Women lots of times use sex as a control-- giving it or not giving it when we feel that is all we can control in the relationship.
It is normal that your husband will come home from the office late-- he just started a new job and needs to fiqure out how things works-- plus he probably does not speak fluent Chinese-- so things will take even longer with translators and cultural issues to take into consideration.
You are at home with nothing to do except think about how unhappy you are all day long. So when he comes home you are upset with him for not coming home early to take care of you.
Remember, your husband does not want you to go-- so that is a good sign. I suggest you find a professional to talk to. You are seeing things negatively at the moment-- getting out your negative thoughts with someone else and planning the positive things you want in your life will help so much. Everyone likes to hang around positive people not negative ones. It is up to you to make the decision to thinking postively about the future.
Your husband does not know how to help you-- trust me-- I know! Only you can help yourself-- I know this for a fact. If you set goals for yourself and think postively-- things will improve in your life and your relationship. You will feel so much better about yourself, people will want to be your friend, your husband will find you hot!
China is not so scary. There are lots of professional womens organizations that I am sure would gladly have you as a member. There are so many things you can do with your time. Working does not mean having to receive a paycheck. You can create your own company doing something you know well or volunteer your time.
But ,if it truly time to leave your husband, than you need to think are material items really that important? He can always ship you things you want in a years time. All you really need are some clothes. You can find a furnished apartment back in Paris.
I hope you see I only want what is best for you. Relationships are never easy-- especially when you are both from two different cultures and have just added a third into the mix. Take you time with your decision. Perhaps all you need is a month or two away from each other to clear your head. Try to remember the positive-- when we think positive thoughts and have future plans-- positive things happen!
questions about Mexico City
Hello, my name is Danielle and we will also be moving to Mexico City in the next couple months. We are getting an apartment in Polanco by my husban'd office. We are from the US and this will be our first time living outside of the US. Any recommendations on finding English first, then Spanish speaking freinds, especially for my 8 and 5 year olds would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, Danielle
Hi Jill, My name is Jodi and
Hi Jill,
My name is Jodi and I currently live in the US with my two small children. My husband is Mexican and was recently deported back to Mexico. He cannot return to the US for atleast 10 years. I'm seriously thinking about moving down there so we can be together as a family. I have many questions. How are your kids doing living in Mexico? Where do you send them for education? From what I have read starting your own business is the best thing to do down there. I know it is very hard to find work. My husband has been there over a year and there are no jobs for him. How does a family survive? We don't have alot of money. How did you learn spanish?
Thank you
Jodi
Divorce in Mexico
Hi Jill,
I live in Puerto Vallarta, I'm married and my son goes to a private school here. I am married but live here with my son, my husband supports our living expenses. We have FM3's; for residencial only not for work. I decided to move down here after doing much research and soul searching as my marriage was on shaky ground and I didn't have a great deal of faith in the real estate market, we lived in San Diego and I just wanted to leave what I saw as a train wreck and secure the proceeds from the house in a market that I thought was less bloated and sick. My husband was not in agreement but he must have thought it would be nice to have us out of his proximity for a while and he thought his computer consulting business would continute to thrive. I moved down here and purchased a house in 2006. It has been up and down, largely I feel isolated, Puerto Vallarta is mostly a tourist town and not many opportunities to meet interesting people; I'm a mild introvert so that doesn't help. Here is my question: my husband wants us to sell the house in Mexico, this before the market recovers. The market woes hit here also, only later, real estate isn't moving, things have stalled; he wants us to sell the house as he is overextended himself and wants for me to put the proceeds of the sale into his home in Denver. (!) However, we are married in name only, it would be a difficult scenario.
If I want to move forward with a divorce and get out of this limbo state, can I use a Mexican divorce attorney or do I need to use an American divorce attorney. How? When I live in Mexico? Can I trust that I will have very good representation with a Mexican attorney? How will anything be secured like alimony (married for almost 20 years) and child support, my son is 13, if it is dictated by a Mexican court?
Kind regards,
Sherryl